Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A Letter 2 An Ex

Dearest Ex BF of mine,

I have been avoiding writing this for some time...Was it a fear of backlash from you? A fear of letting go? Maybe I didn't want to seem desperate...But recently, I have come to the conclusion that speaking about a difficult situation isn't desperate...Of anything, it's therapeutic...I need to reflect on what I have learned...and apply it! So.....

Let the healing begin....

My first mistake was allowing you to loosely claim me. I let you sell me that whole "No Title" thing from the beginning.You did everything from making me feel flattered by claiming and I quote: "I am trying to protect you from my crazy groupies" to making me feel guilty by saying "Why do we need a title, if I am doing everything I am supposed to, why put a name on it?" And it was cool at first because that meant that I was free to do my thing. But then you made it clear I was NOT to do my own thing. Yes, you cockblocked. BIG TIME.But I put up with it because I thought that I might be squirming my way to your heart...You remember...the thing that used to be where that big gapping black hole is?

Lesson Learned: Never settle for less than what you are demanding...And NEVER change what YOU do, when the other person refuses to change themselves.

My second mistake was putting blinders on. Yes, I went through your Facebook, when you left it up, yes I hacked you, yes I heard alllllllll kinds of stories from everyone and their mother about EXACTLY how many females you were messing with, but I kinda pushed it to the side, because to me, hear say, and implied evidence is not grounds to dismiss something that appeared to be going good.

Lesson Learned: Call a dude on WHATEVER it is that he has done to make me ask questions. I know that my "alarms" NEVER go off for no reason, and that being the case..I should listen to them. NEVER ignore the evidence that is right in front of you!

My third mistake was EVER feeling anything outside of friendship for you...All that love, loyalty and iish...BIG mistake...See, when you give, give, give something so precious as your time, love, and loyalty to someone who will NOT give it to you...You end up used up....empty

Lesson learned: Only give what you receive or know you WILL receive. No more, no less. Only give what you can afford to NOT get back..

I wouldn't EVER deny how much fun we had together...But at some point, fun just isn't enough...Late nights and fast food...Just won't cut it. And maybe I knew that. But I was always told things take TIME...You can't go from some random girl to wifey in a couple of weeks.

HOWEVER, That does NOT excuse you from being a 100% certified D-Bag. You are a user, manipulator, a whore (yes, that's what i tend to call men who get more than 2 girls pregnant at a time), a flexer...And You KNOW all of this...That makes you a sorry excuse for a man in my book. No matter how much success you achieve, you are still nothing to me if you are not a man of your word.

ANYWAY Doe! I wish you the best, and I SINCERELY hope you change your ways....Because ONE day, you'll meet someone who isn't as nice as me....

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