A Letter 2 An Ex

Dearest Ex BF of mine,

I have been avoiding writing this for some time...Was it a fear of backlash from you? A fear of letting go? Maybe I didn't want to seem desperate...But recently, I have come to the conclusion that speaking about a difficult situation isn't desperate...Of anything, it's therapeutic...I need to reflect on what I have learned...and apply it! So.....

Let the healing begin....

My first mistake was allowing you to loosely claim me. I let you sell me that whole "No Title" thing from the beginning.You did everything from making me feel flattered by claiming and I quote: "I am trying to protect you from my crazy groupies" to making me feel guilty by saying "Why do we need a title, if I am doing everything I am supposed to, why put a name on it?" And it was cool at first because that meant that I was free to do my thing. But then you made it clear I was NOT to do my own thing. Yes, you cockblocked. BIG TIME.But I put up with it because I thought that I might be squirming my way to your heart...You remember...the thing that used to be where that big gapping black hole is?

Lesson Learned: Never settle for less than what you are demanding...And NEVER change what YOU do, when the other person refuses to change themselves.

My second mistake was putting blinders on. Yes, I went through your Facebook, when you left it up, yes I hacked you, yes I heard alllllllll kinds of stories from everyone and their mother about EXACTLY how many females you were messing with, but I kinda pushed it to the side, because to me, hear say, and implied evidence is not grounds to dismiss something that appeared to be going good.

Lesson Learned: Call a dude on WHATEVER it is that he has done to make me ask questions. I know that my "alarms" NEVER go off for no reason, and that being the case..I should listen to them. NEVER ignore the evidence that is right in front of you!

My third mistake was EVER feeling anything outside of friendship for you...All that love, loyalty and iish...BIG mistake...See, when you give, give, give something so precious as your time, love, and loyalty to someone who will NOT give it to you...You end up used up....empty

Lesson learned: Only give what you receive or know you WILL receive. No more, no less. Only give what you can afford to NOT get back..

I wouldn't EVER deny how much fun we had together...But at some point, fun just isn't enough...Late nights and fast food...Just won't cut it. And maybe I knew that. But I was always told things take TIME...You can't go from some random girl to wifey in a couple of weeks.

HOWEVER, That does NOT excuse you from being a 100% certified D-Bag. You are a user, manipulator, a whore (yes, that's what i tend to call men who get more than 2 girls pregnant at a time), a flexer...And You KNOW all of this...That makes you a sorry excuse for a man in my book. No matter how much success you achieve, you are still nothing to me if you are not a man of your word.

ANYWAY Doe! I wish you the best, and I SINCERELY hope you change your ways....Because ONE day, you'll meet someone who isn't as nice as me....

Relationships...What's inna name?

Between males and females in particular there is always a need for defining a relationship. "That's my home girl" He's my friend" "She's my girl on the side" "I'm wifey". But what happens if a title is not placed on the relationship? What if it remains undefined? Better yet, why is there a need for titles?

I've thought about it and I'm really undecided. If you meet a guy who treats you like a queen, but won't put the word girlfriend on your forehead, does that make you any less important to him? If you get phone calls from him only at two in the morning, but he says that you are his girlfriend does that mean he really cares about you more?

Say two people meet and enjoy each other a lot. They do the things that a couple would do, but even after a couple of months, a title has not been placed on the relationship.
Where do you go from there? More importantly if a title isn't placed on the relationship in question should it be ended? Do you risk putting strain on whatever it is you two have to ask the other person to make it official---- over a word? Noone wants to be strung around, but at the same time, you don't want to end up in a uncomfortable situation (i.e. he finds a girl whom he actually refers to as his girlfriend).

Is being hesitant to put a title on anything just another way to show that you don't wanna be committed? Can titles complicate things?
*edit* What could POSSIBLY be more complicated than the frustration of the two of you dating other people then getting mad about hearing about it? What could be more complicated than truly enjoying someone but basically just waiting for the other shoe to drop and them having to tell you that they have found someone that they want to "be" with. Would it really be more complicated than just saying you are boyfriend and girlfriend? Maybe being in a boyfriend /Girlfriend type relationship will change they way the couple operates which could definitely become a problem if they love how everything is now....Hmmmm

Now that I think about it, maybe titles and definitions don't mess up a relationship. Maybe people do. Maybe if there is communication about what is expected before anyone places a title, the fun that was had before hand can be maintained. And MAYBE the avoidance of a title is justa way to say that you don't want to be "tied down", or committed to that person. You may want that person, but you want a few others too, lol

Just some random stuff I have been thinking, That is all!

Matters of the heart

It's funny how when dealing with matters of the heart, there can be two people who are romantically involved with each other in the same situation, and yet, two completely different things are happening in two separate worlds. That's why open, honest, and thoughtful communication is so very important to the vitality of any relationship. When you eliminate communication, you are allowing assumptions to take the front seat and drive which is always dangerous.

For example, here's the reality of the situation: A man and a woman are romantically involved/ "dating"
HE SAYS: This is just a fling, she and I aren't be anything more. We go out, we have sex, end of story.
SHE SAYS: We are together, Even though we never discussed it. We go out, we have sex, he's my man.

DO you see where wires can get crossed? A simple talk could have cleared things up for both parties, and yet, we so often neglect to voice exactly what it is we want out of a situation when we go into it. Probably because everything is always great in the beginning, and both parties may think a "talk" could mess things up. But if you think a talk could mess things up, that is perhaps when you need to talk the most. That way both parties leave with their dignity and their hearts still intact.

Two people, one situation, and yet two completely different stories....

COMMUNICATION.

For The Love of Cheri

At the request of a couple of my Tweethearts from Twitter, I have decided to write a post and tell you guy exactly what it takes to win Cheri's heart.

First off, know that I am just a regular female. I don't chase after rappers/athletes, and the like. I mean, I WILL talk to them, but what you do for money is not my concern (unless it is illegal, because I promise if they put me in an interrogation room and they say "It's HIM or YOU", I'm choosing me everytime -shrug-) ANYWHO, that's neither here or there. Let me get to the good stuff (in no particular order).

1.)He has to catch my eye physically. He doesn't have to be a male model, or even what MOST people would consider good looking. There are just certain guys that I am attracted to for some reason. A pretty smile, nice eyes (and by nice, I don't mean light colored...I mean a stare...a look that just makes me stop what I am doing), smooth skin are all things that I find attractive. I don't normally go for the pretty boys...mainly because a relationship between me and a guy can't work out if he swears he is prettier than me! ;)

2.) He has to have (as much as I hate using this term) "swag". Not that store bought, commercialized swag, but a genuine aura about them that does NOT stem from what they are wearing. He has to command attention when he walks into a room. Like I have to see him, and WANT to know him. He HAS to be smooooth.

3.) He has to be spiritual. He has to believe in God. That there is something greater than ourselves. VERY important.

3.) He has to be a gentleman. I love GENTLEMEN. The type of man that won't grab you out of a crowd, the type of man that will open a door, and will never let you go in your pocket. He has to treat women in general with a certain level of respect. Even if it's someone who society generally looks down on (such as strippers) he has to be able to speak to her respectfully. He definitely has to treat his mother/sisters well. How a man treats the women in his life says a lot about how he will treat me.


4.) He has to be aggressive. I like an aggressive man. Not aggressive in the "I will rape you" type way, but in the "I know what I want, and I fully intend to get it" type way.

5.) He has to have a future. I am on my grind and FULLY expect him to be on his. Whether it is school, work, a business, I expect him to have plans and to be actively working on them! ALSO very important.

6.) He has to smell good...plain and simple

Bonus: He can't let everyone into his house. He doesn't speak to every female in the same manner. He loves music. He loves art. He's creative. He's outspoken. He listens.SPONTANEOUS. He has a sense of humor.

Annnnnnd.... that, is MY ideal man.;)Pretty simple, huh? lol

Who's Hair? Setting the Record Straight (or curly)

"Hello, My name is Cheri, and I am an occasional weave wearer"

*Ahem*

That being said, as you may or may not be able to tell, that's what this post is about. WEAVE. Sew Ins, Micros, Extensions, Fusions, *sharp intake of air* Tree Braids, Bonded, Half wigs, fullcaps, Lace fronts, Drawstring ponytails,Basket weave, Quick weave....Then there's human hair, synthetic, wefted, bulk, Remy, Non Remy....I could do this alll day.
There are a wide variety to choose from. And just as there's a wide variety of weave and ways to apply it, there's just as wide a variety of opinions about it. Some people LOVE it. Others detest it. A lot of people have no opinion at all.

Personally, I feel like it really is no one's business what a female (or male, if that's how you get down) chooses to put in her hair. While I do believe bad weaves should be BANNED, Truly, the decision comes down to the wearer of the weave about what SHE (or he) wants to do.
And for anyone to judge some one's CHARACTER based off of what they are wearing in their hair is JUST as shallow as the person who is judging claims the weave wearer to be.

Wearing weave isn't a question of whether or not the person is trying to be themselves. They are trying to make a better version of themselves. Or maybe not even a better version. Maybe they just want to experiment. I would like to point out that not all weaves make your hair appear longer. I could get a wig and walk around with the "Keri Hilson" cut. Or I can get a sew in weave and get the "Rihanna" bob. Sometimes it's not even about the length. I have been around many females with a great hair length that just want their hair to be thicker, or a different color, so they get a few tracks sewn in. BIG freakin' Whoop.

With me, variety is key. Who wants to wear the SAME hair style over and over *breathe intake* and over and over? Honestly, I don't. And I think I shouldn't be judged for it. I can understand that SOME females throw a curly half wig on and walk around pretending to be Puerto Rican, BUT really, is that ANY of your business? Yes, it is irritating seeing a girl who is obviously 100% Black try to pretend to be anything but, but it is NOT your business, nor mine!

Guys are ESPECIALLY bad about this. How many guys have you heard say this, or something along these lines: "I like my women REAL. No weave". But if you were to ask these VERY SAME males who would they sleep with/date/marry if they could choose anyone, they automatically jump up and say "Beyonce" or "Halle Berry". DO you see the contradiction? Beyonce is FAMOUS for wearing lacefronts, and how many times have you seen Halle, or ANY Hollywood female with short hair one moment and hair down to their back when you change the channel. COME ON SON! How many guys choose a female who clearly doesn't wear weave?.... None. Why? Because MOST men cannot tell a weave from natural hair. All they see is hair down to a female's waist and they start stalking. I doubt any straight male has paused to go:"Gee, I WONDER if that is a sew in using Remy hair?" If You have, Let ME know.

A female wearing weave is her decision. She is not less of a woman if she wears it. The same way a woman who colors her hair is not any LESS her if she changes her hair color. Or a guy is any less him if he cuts his hair. You weren't born blonde! You weren't meant to have short hair! So how dare you judge someone for wearing HAIR ACCESSORIES? Because, at the end of the day, they are just accessories that can be taken out and added at will. Less permanent than YOUR hair cut or YOUR color.

*steps down off soap box*...."That is all"

Love Always,
Cheri "Unbe-WEAVE-able" Finesse ;)

The Stereotypes of a Model Part 1.

A few weeks ago, I came to my mom and told her I wanted to model. And I got the side eye. Then the hatemail on Formspring began to pile in with comments such as: "No one will ever respect you if you model". I have noticed ONE consistency whenever I hear about models, and that would be the stereotypes that any type of model has to deal with. From intellect, to lifestyle, to personality.While they vary from one genre of modeling to another, there are some consistencies over all the genres.
One stereotype that I commonly hear applied to all types of modeling is that models are somehow intellectually inferior to those who are not "the model type". I guess the logic follows that because they are considered "pretty" they automatically get what they want, and are not required to use their brain.
Another I hear a lot is the question of a models lifestyle. Sexually promiscuous, partying all the time, drug usage, you name it, they do it.
The last stereotype that I hear a lot is because they are SO beautiful, they MUST be bi***es.

Then there's the stigma that comes from each type of modeling, High Fashion and Urban to be exact.

For example, High fashion modeling: skinny white "B-words" who are strung out on coke, use eating disorders as a form of weight control, and are often bisexual and/or engage in frequent orgies.

Urban models often have to deal with the stigma of being (as one of my oh so loyal followers MR_9TA5_SPM pointed out)

Big booty bi***es that f*** their way to the top and often are called music video hoes and what not...Dudes will holla because you seem "easy".

(by the way, I would like to add that he finds these stereotypes misleading and disrespectful, so FOLLOW HIM)
I guess we can thank Superhead and songs like "Wouldn't Get Far" by Game for the perpetuating of these stereotypes.

For the record, I know people who are dumb as rocks and ugly, and STILL are good for a free f***! Likewise, I know some BEAUTIFUL smart women who do not sleep around.

But I guess at the end of the day, those who choose to go into modeling know these stereotypes, and have decided that the benefits outweigh the haters. It's funny that a society who looks at models as the physical idea of what you are supposed to be would think that these people are so f***ed up without having any prior knowledge of the individual. I guess it's just a way to balance things out. If you are pretty, you must be dumb, because you CAN'T have it all. If you are ugly, you HAVE to be smart, because you have to have something going for you. I've come to realize this: the people that talk down about models are USUALLY the ones who want to be them, or even be with them...Go figure.

My Very First Time (Posting, that is)

This is my first post, so i think that perhaps it would be appropriate to give you a little bit of background on me My name is Cheri Finesse. I am an aspiring Urban model. I have a manager who goes by Mogeezie, and he is the one who “discovered” me. I never really thought of myself as a model but hell, it’s 2010….Time to try something new. I completed my VERY FIRST photoshoot two Saturday's ago and honestly, I think it went well for a first timer! Here’s the link to the UStream recording of me and Mogeezie’s photoshoot: http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/4023190